I’ve never been one to conform.
I don’t like being told what to do, where to be or how to do something. And I sure don‘t like being told what I can’t do - it makes me want to do it even more - just to prove a point. Like the time I totally skipped the eight hour queue to visit the Vatican City or when I took my seventeen year old self into the men’s only bar at my golf club for a lemonade or when I would consistently wear white trainers to nightclubs in Soho despite the dress codes (and just remove them, leaving me barefoot, if ever questioned). The list could go on a long time but you get it.
So, you can imagine how the Covid rules really affected me can’t you. ‘You can’t leave your house’, ‘you can’t travel’, ‘you have to wear a mask’, ‘you can’t hug your mum or your best friend‘. ‘You have to have two vaccines to be able to carry on your life.’
It was never the death rates or infection numbers that gave me palpitations at night - it was the fact that rules were being made left right and centre and I HAD to follow them. Rules that at times seemed absolutely bonkers and almost criminal.
It was never the death rates or infection numbers that gave me palpitations at night - it was the fact that rules were being made left right and centre and I HAD to follow them.
Anyway I’m not going to get into anything too political here, because it appears you can’t even speak your mind about these things anymore for fear of being called and antivax freak or selfish for not caring enough to save others.
And, just for the record, I’m not a moron. I did always wear my mask and I did my full fourteen days quarantine after France (during which half of me died) and I didn’t hug my adorable dad for twelve months (which almost killed the second half of me). I’ve also had my double vaccine, purely so I can travel and to make my mum happy.
I know there has to be rules in a society of millions of people with millions of different viewpoints and values and opinions. Of course I know this. Especially when there is some kind of infectious disease spreading rapidly
Im just saying that all these restrictions ignited something further inside me that now wants to be even more of a rule breaker. I find myself questioning everything. Looking at things in a different way. Finding flaws in crazy customs that appear to have crawled out of the woodwork in the wake of the pandemic. And also feeling this intense immediate resentment to others who have chosen to follow all the rules and obey them like little mindless lemmings.
I find myself questioning everything. Looking at things in a different way.
I don’t want to have to use my Smartphone to order food and drink in a restaurant via a QR code. I don’t even want to take my phone to dinner. And I don’t want my sons to grow up in a society that is turning into a herd of robot sheep.
I don’t want my sons to grow up in a society that is turning into a herd of robot sheep.
And the rules are giving me more anger than I’ve ever felt inside. It’s significantly testing my inner calm yogi self. Just yesterday, in a Mallorca beach shop I dramatically cursed a shopkeeper for telling me that my handmade balaclava (basically my son‘s t-shirt wrapped around my nose and mouth) wasn’t acceptable as a mask. I only wanted a water for my son. Needless to say she got a piece of my rebel rage, to which my son was totally shocked (and slightly amused).
I actually also hate confrontation, but in some situations with no common sense I simply can’t help myself.
Maybe my desire not to conform is also responsible for me never being one for joining in either. By this I mean joining in networking groups, school mum groups, or to be honest any kind of group environment where there is bound to be a person or three who would make me feel like I had to hold my tongue.
Those people would no doubt be the ones who conform. The ones who read all the school newsletters religiously and get everything right each day, the ones who quote infection rates daily and still wear a mask outside in the park, the ones who would never enter the mens only bar.
Apparently no man is an island, but the windstorm that is Covid has left me wanting to be one even more. I feel more out of place with society than I even have done. Questioning friendships and hating the mainstream media with a passion. I feel thoroughly confused about our roles in the great cosmos and fearing for the uncertain future of my boys and their families too.
This pandemic has allowed the people in power to inflict more government and control over us than even before in history. Its proved to them that we will just lie back and think of England when told to.
So what next? Well I guess that’s for us to decide. Maybe there’s a middle ground between lemming and rule breaker where we can all finally meet? Until then, you’ll find me on my island....